But while I was in the hospital, the bedside commode quickly topped my list of admired creations. It’s essentially a portable toilet, for those who can stand but can’t walk the three feet to the big girl bathroom. This is by far the greatest invention of all time. You cannot truly appreciate the majesty of such a creation until you have been using bed pans for a few weeks straight...with what we’ll call “gastrointestinal challenges”. Just imagine my delight at the sight of a nurse rolling in the gleaming white bedside commode one day. This underappreciated piece of equipment afforded me a level of independence and privacy I hadn’t enjoyed in weeks. And as an added bonus, it provided a much-needed second seating option for guests, who frequently believed it to be a benign portable chair.
I'd like to pay tribute to this special potty friend with this Ode to the Bedside Commode.
Oh, Bedside Commode you’ve brought me so much joy
More than any other thing, appliance or toy.
After struggling for weeks to master the bed pan,
You let me sit up to go, so I’m your biggest fan.
I used to like go-karts and the guide on t.v.
But there’s nothing as special as you are to me.
So thank you, Bedside Commode for helping me see
You’re much better than a pan when I need to pee.