Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Ode to the Bedside Commode

At different points in my life, I’ve held great affinity for various inventions. Probably the first invention that struck my fancy was the go-kart. A vehicle I could legally drive at age eight? Sign me up. While my affection for this particular item proved rather dangerous, since my brothers routinely launched me from the passenger seat while careening around sharp curves, it remained a favorite for a few years. Later in life, I became enamored with the guide feature offered by most cable providers. I can not only change channels from the couch, but I can also see what’s on every channel before actually committing to it? Yes, please.

But while I was in the hospital, the bedside commode quickly topped my list of admired creations. It’s essentially a portable toilet, for those who can stand but can’t walk the three feet to the big girl bathroom. This is by far the greatest invention of all time. You cannot truly appreciate the majesty of such a creation until you have been using bed pans for a few weeks straight...with what we’ll call “gastrointestinal challenges”. Just imagine my delight at the sight of a nurse rolling in the gleaming white bedside commode one day. This underappreciated piece of equipment afforded me a level of independence and privacy I hadn’t enjoyed in weeks. And as an added bonus, it provided a much-needed second seating option for guests, who frequently believed it to be a benign portable chair.

I'd like to pay tribute to this special potty friend with this Ode to the Bedside Commode.

Oh, Bedside Commode you’ve brought me so much joy
More than any other thing, appliance or toy.
After struggling for weeks to master the bed pan,
You let me sit up to go, so I’m your biggest fan.
I used to like go-karts and the guide on t.v.
But there’s nothing as special as you are to me.
So thank you, Bedside Commode for helping me see
You’re much better than a pan when I need to pee.


  1. I love this!! I might have to have my sister read this. She broke her hip and pelvis a few years ago, and she probably had the same feelings!

  2. The little things we take for granted!!lol!

  3. Having used the bedside commode as my very own chair in your room a time or two, I too greatly appreciate it! Maybe you can get one and bring it to my house for the next BBQ we have... you can never have too many seats. :)

  4. There once was a lady named Dre,
    On the phone, she had little to say,
    But when writing a poem
    Or talking about a throne,
    There is little she would not convey.

  5. I just say this from your most current post, I love it! Very cute and creative. I love how positive you are!