Single and Sick at 31

Lots of people get sick. Actually, most people get sick eventually, as the great majority of deaths are caused by some form of illness (the leading one being heart disease – not that I’m competitive). Some become ill way too early, without ever really having lived. Many become ill after seventy or eighty good years. Plenty of people get sick in their thirties and forties and fifties, many that are married and/or have children.

I’m willing to bet there are not many people that become ill as young, single adults – emphasis on single. While I have been glad not to burden a loved one with my needs and challenges on a constant basis, I do find unique difficulties in facing serious illness without a spouse or significant other. Even if living alone were never a problem (and thanks to friends and my moms’ visits, it hasn’t been much of one for me), facing the future as a single woman at 31 can be overwhelming.

Being single at 31 is daunting in its own rite to most healthy women. Some people get lonely. Those of us that want children are cringing as our biological clocks tick. We imagine the worst a single life has to offer. We are truly delighted to celebrate with our friends getting married and having babies, yet we grow more insecure with each announcement.

When you combine that with chronic illness and no real certainty for the future, the picture becomes more difficult to paint in a positive light. I try to embrace hope and positivity when considering the future for my body and my health, but it’s difficult to imagine meeting a guy that wants to jump on board. I’m not exactly “out there” meeting people due to my ongoing fatigue, and most men don’t seek out women with truckloads of baggage.

I’ve never been one to rue the single life or force fit relationships to avoid being alone, but I have always expected to one day meet the love of my life, get married, have children and live to become a grandmother. Maybe I watch too many movies, I don’t know. I guess I was more comfortable being single before I got sick, since I could plausibly imagine embarking on my Hollywood ending at any moment. I struggle more now, with the fear that I may never again be well. I might never recover the energy that has eluded me for eighteen months.

I just finished watching the movie “Love and Other Drugs” with Jake Gyllenhaal and Anne Hathaway. It actually helped me imagine a rewrite to my Hollywood ending in a way that befits a girl with ongoing health challenges and an uncertain prognosis. Rest assured this is a very loose parallel since the movie is far more scandalous than my relatively boring life, but I was brightened a bit by the potential of a long-term relationship for a girl facing long-term illness.

Nacho Mama, MY Mama

Well, an eleventh hour Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms out there! I’d say Mother’s Day (with Father’s Day as a close second) is the most important of Hallmark’s invented holidays. There are a lot of mothers that deserve thanks and celebration today, and I’d like to honor four here.

First, my sister-in-law Maggie is celebrating her own motherhood for the first time this year, so this Mother’s Day is extra special! A couple of weeks ago she became mom to the sweetest little monkey in the world, my very first nephew Michael. I can’t wait to meet the little man in a couple of weeks! Maybe the little guy will give you the gift of sleep for your first Mother’s Day!

The second mom I celebrate today is my donor’s mother, Denisha. As I’ve said before, I wholeheartedly admire the strength and courage of this wonderful woman. Even on this first year that she celebrates Mother’s Day with one fewer child in her household, she is able to reach out and think of others. Please join me in praying for this gracious woman today. I am beyond delighted to announce that it looks like I’ll be able to meet Denisha this summer (more to come)!

Third, I celebrate Kathy Ritvo, the woman that trained Mucho Macho Man, a strong contender in yesterday’s Kentucky Derby. She was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy in 2001 (I believe at age 32) and became very ill before receiving a heart transplant in 2008. Shortly after her transplant, Kathy was back to doing what she loved. She credits a desire to be there for her children with helping her hang on in those final weeks before a donor was identified. I’m sure every Mother’s Day is quite the occasion for that family.

And most of all, I celebrate my mom today. I celebrate her for staying home with her four children, all of whom provided some significant challenges along the way. I celebrate the woman who attended every soccer game, from Atlanta to Texas and California to Ohio, despite my inability to appreciate that attention and support at the time. I celebrate the woman who just became a grandmother and is going to be the best darn grandmother on this Earth. I celebrate the woman who is so generous and gives so much of her time to charity. And I celebrate the woman who single-handedly saved my life with that first trip to New Jersey in October 2009, who provided and continues to provide constant support and love through some difficult times and who put her life on complete hold to come live with me for many months so that I could maintain some semblance of my life in New Jersey.

I’m sure you all have wonderful reasons to celebrate your mothers this weekend. I’m sure they have all done wonderful things for you throughout your life. But I have to tell you that the best mom of all is NACHO MAMA, it’s MY MAMA. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom. I love you very much.

Mom and me on Christmas night, 2010.