Home, Sweet...Hilton Head

Hilton Head Island, South Carolina has long held a special place in my heart. My family started vacationing there in the early nineties, and since 1996 my friends and I have created innumerable memories of our own. I’ve spent a lot of time in Hilton Head, from quick visits to one entire summer during college, and I have a veritable almanac of fond memories from those times spent with friends and family.

But Hilton Head has further entrenched itself in my heart and mind after my most recent visit last week – and for three separate reasons that I’ll share in chronological order. The first treat of the week was getting to spend time with my parents, two of my three brothers, my sister-in-law, and best of all (no offense to the rest of you) my perfect little nephew. This was my second time seeing Baby Michael, and it’s just amazing to see him grow (mostly in width!) and develop. He is starting to grin and respond and even spent some fun time in the pool, which I’m convinced he thought was a giant bathtub. I’m trying to decide if I can justify another trip down south to see him before Thanksgiving…we’ll see. This aunt is smitten.


Look closely, he's rocking his organ donation onesie!

The second thing that happened in Hilton Head was about as special as it gets. I celebrated a full year with my new heart on July 21, and my parents and I met several of my donor’s family members that very day. [In the strangest of coincidences, T’neil’s family and I had planned to be in Hilton Head at the same time.] It’s impossible to articulate how much it meant to me to be able to meet and see and hug my donor’s mother, Denisha. I can’t say enough wonderful things about her warm and loving spirit, and it was a delight to meet her husband, aunt and uncle as well. We all chatted for quite a while, and they each used a stethoscope to hear T’neil’s strong heart beating in my chest. I think that meant the most to them, and I’m so glad I was able to give them a way to truly feel T’neil’s presence again.

Denisha made the call to donate T’neil’s organs last year, since they hadn’t previously discussed the topic. It takes a remarkable person to think of anonymous others when experiencing the anguish of a child’s sudden illness and death. Most of us can’t even imagine; I know I can’t. Denisha is that remarkable person. Her kindness during that impossible time saved many lives, including my own, and improved the lives of countless others. Even through a year of grief and pain, I can tell that she continues to be so proud of all of her children and their accomplishments. She feels T’neil’s presence when candles are lit and when butterflies are seen nearby, and she seems able to maintain focus and joy for her surviving children – especially one that is expecting a baby girl in the fall and another that hopes to go to college on a basketball scholarship. Oh, and she’s pretty focused on her own big birthday coming up in a few weeks, too! Denisha has a truly contagious aura of positivity and warmth around her, and I hope we will be a part of each other’s lives forever. Eventually, I would love to meet T’neil’s many siblings – I’ll be here whenever they are ready.


Isn't Denisha pretty?! I promise she's older than I am...

To round out the week of excitement, nine of my best friends came down to Hilton Head to celebrate my one year anniversary and recent thirtieth birthday. My parents graciously loaned us their house for the week and we happily accepted! People traveled from North Carolina, Boston, Pennsylvania and even Utah for the celebration, and we had a great time. I strayed wildly from my diet for several days, but I figured I could splurge a bit for the occasion.


Most of us!

Now I’m back in New Jersey, preparing for the return to real life tomorrow. After nearly two weeks of vacation, my alarm clock is going to be quite a shock in the morning. But whenever I get tired or frustrated or down, I know I can close my eyes and peruse my internal database of unforgettable memories from Hilton Head Island, both old and new.

I Hope You Never Know How Good People Are

I’ve been a cynic for most of my 29 years. While I’ve never presumed that people are inherently bad, I’ve certainly never given humanity credit for being particularly good. People are busy, and our survival instincts urge us to look out for #1 and those closest to us. But my new reality has revealed to me just how good people truly are.

I have received the most heart-warming and thoughtful notes from so many people. People I barely know. People I never particularly clicked with. Old friends from whom I’ve drifted apart. Strangers who have been through similar situations. Strangers who have simply heard my story. And of course my close friends and family. While I was in the hospital, I’m pretty sure I set a record for the number of e-cards received for a patient. Now that I’m home, the mailman probably wonders why I receive handfuls of greeting cards most days and frequent packages. The e-mails, Facebook notes and blog comments are equally as overwhelming.

I’ve found that when people sense tragedy or loss or a need of some kind, they respond. They want to help. This is how I would define “good” and this is what I’ve seen over the past ten months. An outpouring of good from all of you.

So no matter what your experience has been lately – you’ve probably fallen out of touch with people you once cared about – don’t assume it’s because they don’t care. They are just busy, as are you. If they find out you need help or support or encouragement, I’m certain they will reemerge by your side. I have witnessed the true good of people – the thoughtfulness, the generosity, the pure love – I just hope you never have a reason to see it first-hand the way I have.