How Do You Feel?

People naturally ask me how I feel a lot. I typically give the shortest answer possible because I don’t know how much information people really want. I figured I would post my feelings here for you to read or not read as you wish. I’m no poet, but the post seemed boring when I wrote it out in prose. So, below is my attempt at a poem that is hopefully slightly better than my previous work, Ode to the Bedside Commode, if not as entertaining.

I feel thankful for the strength of the heartbeat that keeps me up at night.
Every strange sensation in my body causes me to feel fright.
I feel joyful knowing I recently laughed hard enough to leave my chest sore for days.
I feel grateful for the sympathy and support you’ve shown in so many ways.
I feel compelled to drive organ donation and the fight against heart disease.
I feel fearful and frustrated about my newly developed diabetes.
My legs already feel stronger than they’ve felt in well over a year;
I feel motivated and ready now to get my upper body in gear.
I feel most comfortable with a good book in a nice warm bath
And least so on the freezing cold table in the cath lab.
I feel less and less plagued by my medications’ many side effects,
Though I’m always a bit on edge, wondering what might hit me next.
I feel inspired by transplant recipients who go on to do great things
Like run marathons, climb tall mountains and start families.
I feel energetic most of the time, something that used to be so rare,
But I occasionally feel exhausted by the overwhelming nature of my care.
I feel frustrated by the pain in my foot that prevents a long walk or hike,
But I’m glad I can get some good exercise on the stationary bike.
I feel relieved each time I remember I’m no longer tethered to medical equipment.
I feel fulfilled when I can answer a question for a fellow heart patient.
Hand tremors make me feel decrepit but shouldn’t last too many more weeks.
My newfound fear of germs makes me feel like a bit of a freak.
I feel optimistic about the future and grateful for the opportunity to plan for distant dates.
I feel eager to hit the six month mark, when I should return to a pretty normal state.
I feel haunted by what could have happened to me, the “what ifs” play on repeat in my mind.
But mostly, I feel fortunate for the good providence that’s kept me alive since October 2009.